…Sometimes it means you’re strong enough and smart enough to let go and move on.
I am currently sitting at JFK, getting ready for a week’s long vacation filled with friends, immense pride for my sister Karen (college graduation!), and lots of quality family time. Plus, the Pacific Northwest is glorious.
Yet, I am sitting here, with just 30 minutes between security and boarding, and I have a puffy face from crying all day.
My stomach hurts from eating five hundred million “bite-sized” candies.
My soul hurts from finally getting the courage to get back on the bloggy and for feeling judged because of “who I am”.
I started sobbing, uncontrollably, at the pharmacist when I ran in to pick up a prescription on my way out of town. She didn’t know how to react. Haha.
On the cab ride here, I completely lost it. I was sobbing, occasionally sobbing and laughing simultaneously as my phone blew up with advice, love, and support from sooo many wonderful friends and family members I have (all of whom I immediately emailed today when I needed them).
I care what other people think of me. I want to make people happy, and feel good about themselves.
I started this blog a year ago for two reasons.
1) To help other women (and men! Sorry, don’t mean to leave you Y chromosomes out!) realize their own purpose, and realize why they might be doing things that are harmful to themselves and not letting themselves live the lives they deserve.
2) I wanted to figure out why I was having such disordered eating and body image issues, and heal myself.
This blog has been that place for me, and it is honestly the place I turn when I am exercised out/phone chatted out/cried out and I don’t want to turn to food for comfort.
So when I hear negative comments about who I am, it really, really hurts.
I put myself out there so much. I tell you all things that I do that are incredibly personal and embarassing because I WANT TO HELP EVEN ONE PERSON REALIZE THEY ARE NOT ALONE.
Because we all have days where we feel like we have no purpose (hence the title of my blog), where we are so upset and so hopeless and so lost that we cannot breathe.
That was me today.
Because of something someone else said. Really, Laura?! Only you can let what others say upset you!
But you know what?
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it.
So I’m going to forgive myself for eating 9 trillion calories worth Snickers and Twix today. I’m human.
I am going to remember why I started this blog. I honestly almost gave up my blog and The Facebook (see what I did there? Haha) in March. Then again right when I became single at the end of April. Today I wanted to just give up everything. EVERYTHING.
When someone tells you “you’ve changed”, it might simply be because you’ve stopped living
life their way.
So, I am not going anywhere. Because it took a hell of a lot of courage to get this far on my bloggy and it’s how I am healing myself.
Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.
Okay, only 15 minutes ’til I board which means bathroom and water bottle fill-up.
Have a fabulous Friday night!
And remember-we ALL have days where we feel like the world is crashing around us. I’m ONE HUNDRED PERCENT here for any and all of you. Believe me-been there, done that.