Happy Wednesday!
Over the hump! Hope everyone had a good day.
I just finished eating what I *think* was my first “homemade” meal in almost 2 months (!!!) ?
I take breakfast and lunch to work, but for dinners I’m either not home, or I grab something on the way home. Or eat cereal.
Frankly, it’s weird, and kind of depressing, all the sudden cooking for one. So I’d rather socialize or buy food on the way home and not think about it.
But I do know that I need to start adapting and start buying more groceries and preparing my own food again. It’s much cheaper and much healthier. Plus I like to prepare food and cook.
I don’t have much food in the apartment right now since I’m leaving for a week, but I did manage to come up with a satisfying, healthy meal: a veggie burger topped with 2 fried eggs (doused in green chile powder) and some sprouted wheat cinnamon raisin bread from Whole Foods topped with almond butter, honey, and cinnamon. Since I didn’t have any “regular” bread and raisin bread with fried eggs didn’t appeal to me, the veggie burger was a good substitute to give a little more substance and soak up the runny yolk. Yummmm.
Protein, healthy fats, and carbs all in one! Plus, I am a huge fan of meals that combine both savory and sweet so I don’t have to decide. 
Sooooo I’ve definitely been in kind of a funk lately. Which I suppose is understandable. In fact, people tell me all the time “they’re shocked how well I’m handling things”. I have to admit, I too am pretty shocked by how well I’m doing.
But no one sees the “downs”, so I’m not just sailing through life right now, that’s for sure, as to be expected, and is normal, there are plenty of “bad” days and moments.
I am currently working on getting out of my 3 week funk, though, because it is pretty exciting to remember and think to myself that I can devote 100% of my time and energy to myself right now. When I’m not at work, all my time is my free time. I can do whatever it is that I want and need to do for myself. And that is HUGE. And very exciting.
So when I re-realize that, I feel wayyy better and it gets me re-motivated to really work on myself and to really live and create the life I want.
A life where I am (*mostly*-we all have days where we feel less than stellar and where veggies are few and far between and that’s OKAY) happy, healthy, fit, and confident.
It’s funny because I feel like most people walk around just trying to get through the day. Or the week. People are either unhappy because of their jobs, or their financial situations, or their weight, or their relationships, or their lack of relationships… on and on.
Yet, if we all just took a few minutes to step back, we would all realize that we really can change almost everything about our life.
Hawaii Summer 2011-One of my Favorite Places In The Entire World
We just have to be willing to a) figure out what it is that we do not like in our life and want to change, b) think about what steps we need to take in order to make that change and c) actually execute the steps.
For me this means finding things that I like to do, and can do, on my own that make me happy. Because really, even if you are in a relationship (maybe especially if you are in a relationship), you need to be 100% comfortable and happy being on your own first.
This is definitely something I have struggled with for years and while I’ve gotten infinitely better at it over the past 4 months or so, the last 3-4 weeks I have noticed that I’m starting to not like “being alone with myself” again. Which for me leads to either hours and hours at the gym or eating to fill the void.
So, last night, since I was becoming aware of feeling like I wasn’t comfortable simply being alone with myself, I decided to make a list of things that I love to do, things that make me happy, and reasons why I did NOT want to start either over-exercising or restricting certain foods or bingeing.
Every time you are tempted to react in the
same old way,
ask yourself if you want to be
a prisoner of the past or a pioneer
of the future.
~Deepak Chopra
Because from about the middle of March up until 4 weeks ago, I had been eating whatever I wanted (yes, this definitely included wings, chips and guac, and beer for “dinner” at a bar), was still working out in the morning and was feeling great. I didn’t think twice about eating bar snacks for dinner a few times a week because I figured my breakfasts and lunches were healthy, I was making it to the gym for my mental health, and, going back to the theories from Integrative Nutrition, I really do believe that one’s health depends so much more on Primary Foods (relationships, career, spirituality, physical activity) than Secondary Foods (food) (Missed the posts on Institute for Integrative Nutrition? You can read them here, here, and here).
So, because my Primary Foods were all great a few weeks ago, the less than healthy dinners and drinks didn’t seem to have an impact. I felt and looked (at least I thought I did) the healthiest I had in a really, really long time.
Then, all the sudden, as soon as I started to feel like I was not okay being on my own, just doing me, I started making mental lists of foods that were off limits, started putting a minimum on the number of minutes I was “allowed” to spend at the gym per day, started turning down going out… andddd now I feel way less healthy than when I was just enjoying living, wings and all.
So what’s my plan?
Well, for starters I am really making a conscious effort to remember why I am so happy to have the time to just be on my own and take care of myself.
I think about this amazing life I have slowly been creating for myself out here in New York City the past 4 months.
Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge with my sister Karen, March 2012
I think about the fact that this life is a life of my own. Honestly, that feels SO good.
I have finally not only learned to accept the unknown, but to embrace it. And I cannot wait to see what this new life out here will bring.
As soon as I remember those things, I get re-excited about moving into the unknown, I remember that a wing won’t kill me, and I let myself sleep in if I’m too sore and tired to make it to the gym for one workout.
Remember that you really can do anything you want. The only person you owe anything to, the only person that can make you happy, is YOU.
Take a minute or two to think about what things you enjoy and what makes you happy. Then get out there and live.
Life is way too beautiful to worry about what you should or shouldn’t do.
If your heart and your gut instinct are telling you to do something, there’s a reason for that, and that’s what you should do. Living by some self-imposed restriction like “I don’t eat wings”, even if you really, really like them and happen to know this place has some of the best is not living. It’s telling yourself you don’t deserve to do things that you want to do (obviously I’m not telling you to go balls to the wall on junk food 100% of the time, haha). Just eat healthier tomorrow. Go to a bar on a Tuesday night to watch a Rangers or Knicks game and end up staying out ’til 3:00 AM because you were having an amazing time and your team won? (Can you tell I’m using myself as an example here? ). Sleep in and don’t beat yourself up. You’ll be healthier from the high of socializing than if you’d worked out and sat at home lonely and miserable.
Bottom line: you will be happiest when you do what you want to do, do what makes you happy. We tend to forgets: It’s a choice.
Have a great evening!
Cheers,
L
