Almost already made it to Wednesday! This week is flying for me. I hope everyone is having a great week so far.
These last two days in the Hamptons have been pretty awesome. Considering last week, I’m so relieved how well things are going.
So far, I’ve done a lot of lounging by the pool, healthy cooking and eating, and some fun and different workouts. Pretty great week of work, in my book. Truth be told, for a while now, I have been hoping this vacation with the family would be a great close to my time at this job. Obviously, I’m not even sure if I will be leaving this job, but ever since I got asked to join them on their vacation, I couldn’t help but think about what a perfect closing this would be. Who knows? If nothing else, it certainly has gotten things back to “normal” after I ripped the Band-Aid last week.
For my part in the campaign, I wanted to work on having more self-respect, and continue on my path to healthy eating. For me, this means not trying to over-control what I eat to the point where I lose control and end up binging on something I would not even eat normally. It also means respecting myself enough to want to take care of myself and do things that make me happy, rather than just feeling like I am “getting through my day.”
So, how did it go?
Well, August was a crazy month. I was still on vacation until August 10th, and that made kicking my habit easy. In Hawaii it was really easy for me to eat well, to exercise (for fun!), to feel good about myself, and to feel confident that I am exactly where I want (and am supposed) to be in my life right now.
Then I came back to NYC, hit the ground running with work, fell into the same work problems with no/late payment, uncertain hours, etc. and had a really hard time remembering all of the goals I had in Hawaii. I had a hard time remembering the “Hawaiian mindset” of simply being comfortable with where I am right now.
I did miss many days of workouts in the two weeks in August right after I got back from Hawaii. I lost sleep. I was stressed and unhappy.
But I managed to keep it together. The workouts I did miss did not feel like chores, like something I had to do because I ate too much. Or ate the wrong thing. Like in Hawaii, I still looked forward to my workouts, and felt good while doing them, rather than clock-watching.
Also, I am starting to consistently feel good enough about myself, like I deserve to be happy, that I managed to do something for myself when I told my employers that I was considering leaving. By telling them that if I do so, it is because I need to do something for myself.
I always tell other people “if you don’t like something in your life, change it. Only you can create the life you want, the life you believe you deserve.” And yet do I ever follow my own advice? I went through a 5 year slump where I certainly didn’t follow that advice, but now I AM. And Kick the Habit has helped me hone in on how I am going to do that by creating new habits that will last a lifetime.
Looking back, it seems hard to believe that it has only been a month since I first wrote my Kick the Habit post. Between Hawaii, coming back to NYC, working long hours, telling my employers that I wanted to leave (and the response I got in return), and now being on vacation in the Hamptons with them, this month has been an incredible whirlwind.
It has been a good month, though. In fact, I feel like it has been the month where I moved forward by the greatest leaps and bounds. Between coming to certain realizations about myself due to my relaxed state while in Hawaii, facing confrontation with an employer, and taking the first steps toward creating a life I want to live (by working on changing/removing the biggest stressor in my life-my current job) I have a had a very successful month kicking my self-destructive habits of self-criticism and disordered eating.
I cannot wait for September. Not only is fall my favortite season, but I feel like I’m really starting to figure things out. I feel like I am in fact creating a new me, not just getting the old me back.
Slowly but surely, my new habits of self-confidence, caring about myself enough to want to take charge of my life, and respecting myself (and my body) are being created and solidified. I am creating habits that will last a lifetime.
Thank you Gracie, and Freely Be girls, you have certainly helped me focus my goals toward moving forward.
Here’s to September!